“If you are brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello” — Paulo Coelho.

Having random dreams about your ex and wondering what’s going on? Is this making you a little anxious or even unsure about your feelings? 

Trust me, you’re not alone in this, and the reasons why you see your ex in your dreams can be a lot more than just “I miss them.” If anything, missing them is actually one of the least probable reasons that can make you dream of them. 

Look, before I overwhelm you with statements, let’s just break this down. 

First Things First: Know That You Don’t Necessarily Miss Them

One of the things that people struggle with the most is the vulnerability they feel in themselves once they remember their exes.

The pain of loss, missing those good old times, maybe the photos and the memories you have, all of these can send a hidden signal to your mind about your ex. 

I’m speaking from experience when I tell you that misinterpreting these signals is the primary reason for most of the pain and suffering we feel after a breakup, especially if your ex is the one who initiated the breakup. 

In other words, seeing your ex in your dreams doesn’t always mean that you miss them, and you shouldn’t feel weak, vulnerable, or ashamed when you see them in your dreams. 

Plus, even if you actually think you miss your ex, sometimes even that is not true, and it may not be the reason why they appear in your dreams. 

So, in short, dreaming about your ex can usually be summed up by three primary reasons (with many smaller ones beneath them):

1. Nostalgia Can Be a Lie

Nostalgia is one of the biggest liars in history. We, as humans, simply love the past because it’s gone. Our brains try their best to limit any negativity we felt before and instead focus on the positivity we’ve experienced. This is a part of how our brains cope with life.

For example, you don’t miss your childhood as much as you think you do; you only miss the “care-free” aspect of it. But if you were thrown back in it, you’ll still dread the parental control, the freezing mornings when you wake up early for school, the tension of studying and exams, and the list goes on.

Now, take this logic and apply it to anything, and you’ll see it fits. You don’t miss that old movie (which looks awful compared to today’s videography), you just miss how good it made you feel at the time. You don’t miss that old PS1 video game; you just miss how nice it was to play it with friends. 

Now, to apply that to your dreams, your ex, no matter how you view them now, was once the reason for your happiness. They have already created a core group of memories in your brain, some of which you may not be able to forget.

You miss the happiness associated with these memories. Tell me if I’m wrong, but do your ex dreams seem to appear when you feel sad or down?

If that rings a bell, then it’s just your brain trying to cheer you up by selecting one of the happy stored memories for you, and this time, it was your ex. 

2. The Subconscious Mind Is More Powerful Than You Think

Have you ever heard about Murphy’s Law? The more you fear something, the more likely it’s going to happen, and it’s a powerful example of how your subconscious mind controls things.

Murphy’s Law

I’m not going to sit there and pretend that I know the reason why this happens, and frankly, I’m not ashamed to say that I don’t know.

The reality is, with hundreds of people explaining it differently, nobody knows for sure how this happens, and I’m not just talking about Murphy’s Law here.

I’m talking about how your subconscious mind can suggest that the ex you have lost was the one. And it plays a silly game of reminding you of them in every possible way. 

You remember them while commuting to work, going to a certain park, maybe even a drink you used to share together. Before you know it, everything reminds you of them, especially if the breakup was recent. 

The further behind the breakup is, the less your brain relies on their memories to annoy you. It can take a few years for the brain to stop playing these little games, and sometimes it may never stop. However, the longer it keeps happening, the less “annoying” it becomes. 

3. Your Brain Is Simply Random

We are far from fully understanding how our brains operate. I once had a dream the other day about an army of people going to war while riding raptors fitted with rocket launchers.

A person is dreaming.

I admit that I’ve seen some crazy sci-fi movies, but this? This is just a banana level of absurdity, and as far as I know, I don’t belong to an asylum. 

Why am I telling you this? It’s because I don’t think I’ve seen something in my life that even resembles this freakishly weird combination, and yet, my brain threw it at me in a dream anyway.

The point of this: your brain has full control of what you see during your sleep, and it’s not afraid to show its creativity. Sometimes it’s a person you saw (and don’t even know) on a trip 20 years ago, and sometimes it’s an ex. It doesn’t always mean that you are not over your ex. 

How to Cope With Dreaming of Your Ex?

Notice how I said “cope with dreaming of your ex” instead of stopping it altogether? This was intentional. 

Because, in all honesty, you can’t control much of what’s happening during your sleep, but you can, however, cope with it and handle it a lot better. 

You’ve already understood a great deal about “why” it might be happening. To know so, ask yourself two questions.

Does It Annoy You?

If the dreams are random, spread apart, and barely (if ever) affect you, then you have nothing to worry about. It’s just your brain being your brain, and you can stop reading here. 

However, if you’re reading this, it means you’re uncomfortable to a certain degree by these dreams and want out. If so, keep reading:

Why Does It Annoy You?

I always say that understanding the problem is the first (and most important) step to solving it. Why do you think dreaming of your ex annoys you? I dug around, and I found two main reasons for this: hate and love. 

Do You Hate Your Ex?

Do you hate your ex and can’t stand their guts anymore? While I strongly advocate against hate, I still think it’s a natural human reaction. After all, if they did hurt you while leaving, your feelings are somewhat justified.

However, what’s nowhere near justified is any hateful action you take against them. Your best form of revenge is moving on and being happy. Time will help you heal. Just focus on yourself and your current partner if they’re present, and you’ll move on. 

Do You Still Love Your Ex?

This one can hit home a bit. Do you still love your ex and are having a hard time admitting it?

This particular reason may feel even worse if you are already with or married to a different partner now. Does this mean you are a cheat or that you are not loyal?

Before you answer this, know that you are a human being. It is possible for your heart to fall for more than one person simultaneously, and it is also possible for you to remember a previous partner while being with your current one (even outside dreams). 

But remember, you “loved” that person, and there are some residuals of that now. Now, you are loving your current partner and choosing to be loyal to them. 

The feelings of guilt you might be having now are all the more reason you are loyal to your partner. So don’t beat yourself about it.

Your feelings and thoughts may not always be yours, so focus on what you can control: your actions. As long as you stay loyal, knock any “ex” feelings aside. 

Before I Let You Go

Don’t take dreaming about your ex as a signal that you miss them. More often than not, you just miss times when you were with someone who cared. And in most cases, if you get back together, you’ll start hating it all over again.

So, let go of the guilt and the anxiety. Let go of whatever was, and focus on what is. Your mind is remembering feelings, not people. and you’re allowed to move on without punishing yourself for it.