Breakups sting. Your mood, your routine, your motivation—everything gets thrown off kilter.

It would be amazing if there were a magic pill for all that heartache, but alas. For now, we have to put in the work until we reach a stable place in life.

Here are 9 things to do after a breakup to recover faster:

1. Go No-Contact (Yes, Even If You Want to Stay Friends)

After the breakup, the temptation to check your ex’s social media will be intense. You want to know if they’re seeing someone. Or perhaps your heart really wants you to look at their profile picture for a bit. Don’t.

Think of the breakup as sort of a withdrawal period, with your ex being the drug (sounds weird, but I promise, there’s scientific evidence to back it up). During a detox, people will do anything to get a whiff of the drug. But they shouldn’t indulge, should they? Neither should you.

Trust that time will heal your wound, and stalking is just going to delay that healing. So, take a deep breath and do the right thing—block, delete, and remove.

I know what some of you are thinking: “The breakup was mutual, and we agreed to remain friends.” Good for you, but you still need a no-contact buffer first.

Taking time apart immediately after a breakup will help you process the relationship. You can decide how long you want that buffer period to be. Some need 6+ months, while others settle for weeks. Either way, when the period is over, ask yourself these questions:

• What’s your reaction to seeing them? Do you still feel frustrated, sad, upset, angry, uncomfortable, or hurt?
• Do you even want them in your life anymore?
• What boundaries do you think are necessary for a platonic relationship to work between you two?

2. Cover the Self-Care Basics

Everyone and their mother will tell you to prioritize self-care. I know (sadly, from experience) how hard it is to force yourself to journal or go for a pedicure when your heart is so broken you can barely get out of bed.

What I found helpful in this case was to cover the bare minimum. So, I’d grab a glass of water (dehydration makes everything seem worse), take a hot shower, and eat something that isn’t entirely made of empty calories. That’s it. And I’d be proud of it.

A girl who has overcome the sadness of a breakup

As time passes and your heart mends, you can expand your self-care routine.

3. Break the Rumination Cycle

Don’t personalize the breakup. Sure, you can learn from past mistakes, but that doesn’t mean you need to dwell and let regret eat you up.

Whenever you feel like your brain is going to ruminate, try to disrupt the cycle. Here are some practical tips to help you silence those negative thoughts:

• Find a physical distraction. Yard work, chores, or a long walk can help.
• Get a change of scenery. Take it as an excuse to go and grab a cup of coffee, for instance.
• Talk it out. Repeating your thoughts out loud will help you realize how harsh you’re being on yourself. A friend can also offer a new perspective.

4. Avoid Indirect Triggers

So, you’ve blocked your ex on virtually every app and social media platform. Does that mean you’re safe from triggers? Maybe not.

For some people, places, scents, and even songs can be triggering. If you’re not ready for a reminder of your ex to catch you off guard, consider weeding out all these triggers from your life.

5. Surround Yourself With Good People

You can try to avoid rumination and running into triggers. But sooner or later, your brain is going to replay the tapes. It’s vital that you have someone to talk to when that happens, be it a sibling, a friend, a parent, or a therapist.

In fact, you need to surround yourself with a bunch of people who care about your well-being. You’re not at your best right now, so take all the support you can get. And most importantly, don’t lose faith in people.

The girl and her good friends

6. Make a List of All the Things You Hated About Your Ex

I know this one sounds harsh, but all you need to do is list annoying behaviors that you no longer have to put up with. You can expand the list to include all the perks of being single, too.

The goal is to remind yourself that this breakup isn’t the worst thing that has happened to you.

7. Go for Small, Short-Term Changes (No Impulsive Tattoos, Please)

My advice? Go for something small and harmless. A haircut, for example, is a good choice. Even if it doesn’t look awesome, it’s just hair. And hair grows back.

On the other hand, there are changes that should never be made without careful calculation. Think quitting your job, moving across the country, getting a tattoo, or emptying your savings account.

8. Don’t Try to “Win” the Breakup

There’s nothing wrong with living your life and enjoying yourself unashamedly. On the contrary, I encourage you to do so. There’s nothing wrong with posting about it online, either.

That being said, you need to be honest with yourself. Are you doing it to show your ex how much fun you’re having?

If you are, please reevaluate. If you succeed, you hurt your ex, which shouldn’t be your goal. You’ve got better things to worry about, after all. And if you don’t, you waste energy just to end up looking immature.

There’s no “winning” here. Just heal and move on with your life.

9. Do More With Your Days

Yes, this one seems vague, but I think you’ve heard variations of it. Some people will tell you to pick up hobbies (new and old). Others will recommend throwing yourself into work. Maybe friends will encourage you to attend more social events. And I say do all that and more.

Odds are you won’t feel genuine at first. You’ll be painfully aware that you’re forcing yourself to socialize, work, paint, party, or whatever you choose to do with your time. But the good news is that this feeling won’t last forever.

The more stuff you do, the more likely you are to:

• Reclaim parts of yourself you lost to the relationship.
• Rekindle old friendships.
• Meet people and create new friendships.
• Work on yourself and your goals.

So, next time a friend asks you to leave the house and join them, say yes.

Final Thoughts

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach for breakup recovery.

Still, cutting contact and giving yourself time to grieve are almost always good ideas. Staying busy and surrounding yourself with loved ones are golden tips, too.

And remember: This will pass, and you’ll learn to love again.